Suspend your disbelief for the 5 minutes it takes to read this article and believe that superheroes listen to hardcore. And why wouldn’t they? Between the empowering positive lyrics and emotional frustrations conveyed through music, most bands create a message or feeling that is associated with the crusaders in our favorite comic books. So sit back and get ready to potentially get butthurt by the comment section. Here’s a breakdown of what the top superheroes are jamming out to while hitting the gym, chasing bad guys, and laying a beatdown on some villain scum.
Batman
Because what superhero list doesn’t include Batman? This caped crusader is the epitome of fear and maximum human capability. His personal life however is a somber and lonesome affair. Waking up every morning, lifting weights for hours, doing detective work, acting as Bruce Wayne in public, then going out into the night to fight crime just to do it all again the next day. All this, to avenge the death of his murdered parents. This man is listening to some heavy, dark, raw hardcore. This man has Advent, Nails, and Defeater blasting in the Batcave at all times. But he also has a preference for Terror, not because he literally strikes terror into the hearts of his enemies, but because he knows when to stick tight with his fellow heroes and defeat the common enemy when necessary (like some sort of league dedicated to justice).
Superman
The obvious next choice in our examination of super music tastes. The last Kryptonian (you can debate that later) known as Kal-el was rocketed to Earth by his parents to save him from perishing as the planet Krypton exploded. After landing in Kansas and being raised by a wholesome family, he eventually became a beacon of truth, justice, and the American way. He is inspired by the positivity behind bands like Break Away, Comeback Kid, and Bane. In another universe (and kickass storyline) if the Man of Steel had crash landed in mother Russia, he would have Red Death blasting at all times, but again that is up to further debate.
Captain America
Another symbol of freedom and inspiration to the nation, Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, was a scrawny kid from Brooklyn that was too weak to enlist in the Army to help during World War II. One secret experiment and injection of super soldier serum later, Steve becomes the pinnacle of human athletics and achievement. A beacon of American pride during the war, he literally beat the shit out of Hitler in his very first issue, and multiple times afterwards during his run in the comics. Some heroes don’t win every battle though, during a fateful mission Steve was buried in the wreckage of a downed plane and hibernated for 70 years if you watched the movies, and about 20 if you read the comics. He was literally Trapped Under Ice. Obvious call on that one, but as a kid growing up in Brooklyn, you know he would associate with some true New York Hardcore acts like Judge, Madball, and Agnostic Front. He knew the power was in the people in the country, and the messages they stood for, with the courage to show it.
Wonder Woman
The goddess Diana, hailing from the majestic island Themyscara, ruled and populated by the powerful Amazonian Women. She is the iteration of a strong female warrior that will stop at nothing to fight for what’s right and open a can of whoop-ass on any fool. Her grace, beauty, and god-level powers paint a picture of an empowered female that was crucial in helping develop a feminist icon for years to come. Her penchant for peace and love before violence leads her to listening to forward thinking bands like Turnstile, and xLooking Forwardx. She’s not against throwing a punch when has to, so aggressive sounds from Have Heart and Year of the Knife are always at the top of her playlist.
Spider Man
Everyones favorite wall-crawling web-slinger. Peter Parker was an often-bullied nerd who was fatefully bitten by a radioactive spider during a field trip and was granted superhuman spider powers. Now, Peter still remains bullied as a cover up so no one suspects the scrawny teen of being the agile, quick-witted human spider. This is the kid throwing around ninja kicks like Halloween candy in the pit, but the thing is he never actually hits anyone, his spider sense helps him dodge the moniker of crowd killer. Another child of New York, you’ll catch this friendly neighborhood menace jumping around the rooftops listening to Gorilla Biscuits, with a healthy dose of Angel Du$t and Sanction so he can pound out his aggressions on the lowlife criminals and thugs.
The Punisher
A man of war, Frank Castle did his duty to the utmost possibility and with deadly efficiency. His duty was to serve the United States in whatever function that they needed him for. More often than not, that meant killing people. Until one fateful day during a vacation with his family, a wrong-place-wrong-time moment placed them at the scene of a mob hit. Not wanting any witnesses, the gangsters gunned down the family. Thus began Frank’s one-man war on crime, only unlike his fellow superhero brethren, Frank plays the part of judge, jury, and executioner with every wrong-doer he encounters. He is listening to some angry, contempt-filled violence anthems. Eyes of the Lord, Mortality Rate, Hangman, and Jesus Piece are all on his iPunish (I literally hate myself for writing that).
The Incredible Hulk
The most brutal form of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story, the Hulk is pure destruction and anger wrapped up in a narrative about personal demons and self control. Bruce Banner usually has a mild manner, but after a freak gamma bomb accident, any time he gets angry he loses control and turns into a massive beast that always has purple pants for some reason. This is the guy that kills the crowd, and there is nothing figurative about that statement. He will two-step on your face while listening to God’s Hate, He will clobber half of the room while listening to Harm’s Way, and he will deliver destruction upon his enemies with Xibalba playing in the background. Best part is, if Bruce Banner ever needs to get angry really quickly, he just listens to Vein. “That’s my secret Cap, I’m always in the Terror Zone."
Aquaman
The king of the sea and ruler of the armies of ocean dwellers, Aquaman has undergone a vast makeover during his time in the comics. Regardless of his portrayal, he has always stood for environmental conservation, world peace, and a positive outlook on humanity’s future. His recent storylines in the comics have tried to distance Arthur Curry from his comical days in the Super Friends, so a heavy hitting band like Code Orange is perfect for the rebranding of the aquatic avenger. Bands like Ecostrike and H2O are obvious additions to the sonic arsenal that inspire Aquaman to continue on his righteous crusade against eco-terrorism.
So there you have it. Agree, disagree, stand true to the points you are about to argue with countless unknown identities on the internet. For every opinion is sacred, it stands to be challenged and praised for inspiring thought and discussion. Have at it Internet trolls.
Tagged: judge, red death, terror, year of the knife
